I m in ღღღ..------>( II PART)

TRUTH is my first love.so lets continue wid that only.wel many times i say
i am not that much gud
i am really vry bad
i really behave vry rude at times...i mean lozz of negative thngs about myself.but did i believe in al this???i knw smwhr al this is true but stil smwhr my heart says:
u r not that much bad
y u curse yourself
y r u so harsh on yourself
i don knw what's really the truth??but i am sure smwhr v al do such thngs. many times ppl say many thngs about us like
oho!! common this is not ur cup of tea
oho!! don try this top with this jeans
oho!! don tie ur hair in this way
oho!! my frnd i knw u vry wel u cant chnge yourself..etc etc but stil smwhr v don listen al dis..smwhr v knw that al this is wrong..or its better if i say that v believe that al this is wrong.ppl really don knw us..
v knw that v r the best
v also knw few gud thngs about our self
v knw how to handle thngs vich othrs think that v can't
v r ready to listen nethng
v trust ur ins tints

u knw it hardly matter what v like about r self..i mean it can b nethng r intelligence, beauty, nature, behaviour,thoughts...etc etc..but truth is that v just feel gud about ourself.u knw v can pretend nethng in front of othrs but smwhr v knw the truth....v realy can't deny this fact that
v love ourselves
v admire ourselves
v believe in ourselves
v feel proud n even
v praise ourselves too
simply v r in love wid ourselves..lets not generalize this..its better if i say about myself only..n about me also..its a big truth that smwhr i love

"MYSELF"

i think again i shld admit that
i am in love....................................................................ღღღ

I m in ღღღ..------>( I PART)

wow today m talking about love.ahh!! so i am in love??hmm but with whom?? whoz he?? wel wel hez no one else only the ultimate "TRUTH" so wts al about being in luv wid this truth???oh cumon v al love him..so what??i mean whats new with this?right v al love truth..n nthng is new wid it

(recently i got a comment frm my school frnd on my blog ppl love truth so keep posting stuff like this..n suddenly this ques came to my mind)

aftr al why we love truth???
v alwaz believe in truth
v apreciate thngs vich talks about reality
v xpect truth frm our loved ones
i mean in short if i say den v r deeply in love wid this..but why?? wel my little intelligence only said few thngs that
smwhr v kno his pwr
smwhr v r not able to speak it
v alwaz wanted to go with it but somtimes r own terms n conditions doesn't allow us or its better if i say situations.smwhr v alwaz wanted to b associated wid the gud will of truth.like many times v say "yes i hv said this n i can say this in front of everyone i am not afraid of nethng..i knw what i hve to do"..even v use truth as self defence mechanism too..like mny times i say "look m like this only so plz don xcept thngs frm me...i cant chnge myself for othrs"
intresting :):)
we love it so much that v use it like anythng for our gud wil.
v feel proud to b assocaited with it.
v r not unknown frm its strenthg so sometimes v run frm it also.
v believe in it so much that v use it wid lozz of care also.
smwhr truth gves us the strenthg n smwhr it kills us like nethng.
smhwr it gves us the feeling of satisfaction that v r smwhr right.
n smwhr its pwr keep remininding us that v can't escape frm it.
wel whtever i said i don kno how much true is dis??but stil for me its a big truth..may b not about othrs but atleast about me.
n i muss say
yes i run frm him
i am afraid frm him
bcos of that i ignore him
n i hate him too
but stil stil i realy can't deny this that i am in love with him
yes i am in love..............................................................ღღღ

Jab V Met (cont..)

wel i went for the Councelling...i wanted to take EC..not bcos i hve the xceptional love for it..it juss that everybody told me that its a evergreen branch,its this n that..so i juss thought lets take this only???

but if i don do nethng stupid then hw would i survive??wel i filled al the choices EC,CS,IT n ya ME too hehe wow!!i filled ME nly in one collg n that to bcos i juss thought may b i'll not get nethng else...heheh but i think vo to last option tha..right???a girl interested in ME engg ???but hw could b wen i m such a big dumboo..i made it my first choice..aftr locking al the options i got the print out of the choices..wel i came dwn n gave the pprs to my father..

oh god!!! i think again i realy cant forget his reaction...he juss said r u crazy????wht hve u done???n i was like wht???wht i did??den he told me about my mistake.but stil i was vry kewl..i said so wht?? this is my last choice papa..they vil give me EC,CS,IT...i hve filed everything n my father was like hitting me..oh god paagle ladki pta bhi hai ki kya kiya hai????

oh shit!!!
wen i realised about my mistake it was vry late.i was vry upset that day.my father juss said u vil definitely get this.aftr al no othr girl vil opt for ME n i was like oh shit ab kya karun???kyu maine ise first choice per set kiya??mera dimaag kabhi kabhi itna kharab kyu ho jata hai??
n as he said i got the ME too :(:(.. now the biggest ques was:

where shld i go MECHANICAL ENGG. OR PHYSICS HONS ?????

i hve to decide something ..n i decided that i'll go for Mechanical engg..i don kno how i am gonna do dis but i'll do..n i hve to do thats it...

i titled al this as JAB V MET bcos this was the most interesting meeting for me....most interesting turn in my lyf.wen ME n ENGINEERING met(wel i alwaz run frm hard work but i don kno y i selected this.definetly that was not the impossible task but that was little bit tough thats it..n nly cos that require mor hard work)wel whatever
finally frm there my scintillating college days started.................

Jab V Met

so finaly m in the mood to write bout my lyf again...wel aftr 12th class like any othr normal student i ws thinking to join DU.i ws not sure about the course but finaly i decided to take physics Honours ....bcos i liked the subject vry much..so i decided to take the admission..i think i realy cant forget that day wen i ws thinking about my coming lyf whr i hve to study physics n physics nly....


wel i was standing in the queue for fee deposition.i suddenly saw some familar face..she ws my school frnd..so i said hi.n v strted talking
V: i am taking chemisrty Honours ...
me:oh!that gud..chemisrty is vy intrstng subject
V: wht about u???
me:me physics Honours ...
V:oh thats g8!!
V: hey u hvn't gvn ne engg xams?????
me:(oh god is she mad??if m standing here that means definetly i hvn't cleared ne :D but finaly i took a long breath n said) ya ya i hve gvn many like IIT,IP,AIEEE,UPTECH..
V: oh oh same here but i hve gvn medical xams too!!u hve the computers na??
me: ya ya
V: so wht about ur rank???
me:(oh! god y shez so much intrsted in my rank.. rank??? wht rank???)i don kno..i think dey hvn't gvn ne rank..
V: no no they alwaz rite rank..it doesn't matter hw bad it is
me: but i don kno my rank..actualy i hvn't seen my result..smbody else told me about it..so
V: oh i c..
me:(thnk god now shez not asking nethng)

wel in btw the conversation i reached to the window i juss deposited the fee...n said bye to her.i ws going back wid my father..suddenly i said papa what was my rank in that xams???n he ws like what???i said i think i hvn't cleared it na thats y dey hve not gvn ne rank.wel he doesn't said nethng he juss dropped me at home.but in the evening wen he came back he gave me the print out of my result...

n i ws like wht is dis????den he told me dis is ur rank...ur uncle told me that u vil easily get whtever branch u want.n i ws like wht???no???but papa said see the ppr...n i ws like whts this???that means i hve cleared it???but i was in doubt.

den i talked to my family frnds daughter whoz already doing the engg frm that place nly.den she said oh oh paagle u hve cleared it.its a vry gud rank.dont think much..juss chk ur centers n den go for Councelling n al????
wel i chkd evrythng on the net..n i came to kno about my al Councelling details..but i was in delima whether i shld go or not??i mean its bttr to contiue wid physics Honours or?..but finaly v went dere..
...................................................CONTINUE.....................................................................................

So--So

yesterday night i cooked palak paneer for the dinner..i simply asked my sister to chk it n tel me...howz it????she taste it n said it SO--SO di.i ws like wt so--so juss tel me in one word its gud or bad???but again she said its so--so yaar..y r u irritating me??n i said y r u irritating me??? simply u cant tel its gud or bad what's dis so--so..i don kno ne such word..she juss said u hve gone mad...its so-so...kabhi kabhi bahut kuch so so hota hai....

i ws remain quiet for some time.bcozz smwhr that ws true.smwhr she ws right :(

but yes that time dere ws sudden chnge in my face xpression..not bcoz she said palak paneer is so-so but bcoz this so-so word pinched me smwhr

really wts the significance of this SO--SO???

in one context its gud bcoz so-so means thng is close to bad but completely its not bad.in another context its bad bcoz so-so means thng is away frm gud bcoz its close to bad

interesting!!! wht u say???

U kno v can stil manage wid that so-so thng but wen lyf becomes so--so then????this thought really irritated me whole night...really in this situation we swing btw gud or bad.neither v can smile nor v can cry..

realy wt v shld do in such situation???

i mean wts the solution????CAN U GIVE ME THE ANSWER???

trust me i hve no answer...m stil searching for it...m trying to calm dwn.m trying to believe in thngs which really doesn't exit at al...i hve lozz of doubt in my mind related to many thngs but before i conclude that its completely a bad time,still dere is lozz of time left.n its not the end too :0

R U in ???? i mean U R in.......

Wel first tym m writing smthng humorous. so frnds today m gonna talk bout some silent online emotions but that doesn't mean m going to tel smthng bout online dating,online luv affairs btw two unknw ppl n al that stuff.... :D

Its bout the rlnshp wid that prsn whom u kno vry wel, u talk to him/her also, u kno everythng bout him/her. in short he/she z ur FRND but still u do some kind of drama..its realy vry funny but stil smwhr a big truth..hehehe

so....ok tel me

how many times,

u juss wait for the one prsn to come online ( wow wt a luck othr prsn had..he/she is so lucky..don u get jealous smtyms)

u juss go online for him/her only (cumon accept it...frnds v al do dis)

u juss w8 for the " hi" frm him/her (nooo. .ok ok yes smtyms .. :p) hehhe

u juss want that he/she should strt the conversation ( god!! wt he/she think of himself/herself ???)

u juss write ur tagline juss for that one prsn (arey kabhi to kuch smjh mein aaye:( :( )

hmm..smwhr u juss want that he/she comment on that ( so sad :( :( i kno i can feel the pain :p)

n ya u put ur best pic on display (i think normaly also v do dis..so 4get it)

but ya smtym u want small suggestion frm him/her (ofcourse bout d pic nly he/she is not a dictator of ur lyf ..hehe)

even when u dont like his/her new pic but stil u don say anythng ( i kno i kno for u he/she alwaz luks gud)

u juss wanna talk to him/her but stil u show that u r not intrstd at al (liar :p)

so smtyms u juss show ur little bit of ur attitude (but who cares?? is he/she?? nooo :( :( )

so aftr 2 or 3 days u gv up n send hi to him/her ( so sad na :o )

but ya smtyms its ok for u too when he/she doesnt initiate bcos if he/she is online u simply feel gud ( feeling his/her presence by sitting in front of PC n juss luking at the pic :p)heheh

no no now i cant..its hurting my ego too..lets stop it here..i don kno about othrs but ya smtym i do al dis drama.so i cant rite mor...its enough..heheh

i think the most intrstng part of this drama is, that othr prsn also knows everything..cumon do u think that othr prsn is blind??? ohhh!!! that means how sometimes v fool ourself.. :(

wel reason is also vry simple..i think its bout falling in luv wid that prsn...realy???

may b u r falling for him/her..but its juss a first step so u can crush it too widout going further

i kno i kno smtyms it is for forever n smtyms its juss a smal phase (may b of 1 week,2 months..or smthng like dis) aftr that period someone new comes to that palce n u again strt al dis..heheh( vry bad :p vry vry bad )heheh

wel but othr reasons r vry funny too....

may b bcos u don kno othr prsn much so u alwaz get confused about him/her

may b bcos u juss wanted to confuse othr prsn too hehe..

may b u r trying to tel smthng

may b u r trying ur luck at the wrong door( yeea realy???)

may b u r testing d othr prsn(achha aur koi kaam nhi hai kya???)

i kno v can find hundreds of reason's so forget it!!!!!

wel frm my side...njoy whatever u can bcos lyf is vry short...these thngs smtyms add sm spice in ur boring normal lyf..smtyms these thngs keeps u going...:):)(thats true v al believe in long term rlnshps but its juss bout adding little bit of humour to ur lyf nthg else) so

cheers!!!!!!

Curiosity :o

WEL frnds its December 2008..last month of d year.i don kno wt next in d store for me. whatever....lets not talk bout the future..lemme njoy these last days

wel wel wel

(as ppl say "Be less curious about ppl & mor curious bout ideas" but who listen to al dis. which really gave me d idea to ryt on curiosity is ANONYMOUS. i don kno whoz he/she who posted d comment on my anothr blog but that definitely left sm curiosity..hehhe.. )

wel whatever b d reason i juss thot to write on this word " CURIOSITY"..its realy vry cute word

wen v see new thngs..

wen v meet new pp..

even wen v r confuse..

wen smthng affect us n make us think

wen suddenly smthng garb ur attention...Curiosity immediately comes into action

When v r curious,v find lots of interesting things to do.whthr its related to r prsnl or professional lyf. smwhr it realy keeps us moving frwd,keeps us doing new thngs.

this normally bring lozz of thots,lozz of ideas,lozz of interest...i mean wt not????

smtyms even this gvs us new direction.. it lead us to new path wen v r not ready to move,ready to chnge,ready to do nethng

u kno if i realy tel u the truth den m vry boring,lazzy prsn who generally even don take ne interest in nethng whthr new or old..hehe but stil today m talking bout curiosity..i think simply bcos of its hidden pwr which compelling me to think,to write,to talk,to say,to do which i normally believe i cant

now i can say although its juss the beginning of December but i am curious bout the coming year 2009

its really amazing!!!!!!!!!

"Unforgettable School Days" ----->V

WELL this ws the journey of average student....i called it average bcos of mny reason"s:

i never topped in any of my class..neither i wished.

i came fourth in mor then half of my classes.

i never scored in 80's.i alwaz scored in 70's so.(xcept primary classes)ehheh.

i tasted success n failure both so again the sign of average student.

i alwaz selected easy thngs for me..like computers..nvr gone for bio n al.

i never felt any kind of competition frm anybody (i don kno why may b bocs i ws happy with my average performance ).

i never wished anythng during this tym...remained alwaz aimless...i took evrythng wtevr came to my way..nthg else.

but

yes i njoyd the vry gud tym wid my al frnds.

i alwaz remained in gud buks of my teachers.

i ws full on attitude n high temper....alwaz,even in bad tyms too.

realy i ws tension free,careless grl..

wel whatever the case but stil i realy cant forget my school days..its unforgettable journey for me like ne othr normal student.. realy smbody truely said if u see school n lyf den u realize:

“There is small difference between school and life..In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson”

"Unforgettable School Days" ------>IV

My fifth step(11th n 12th class)
wel i took science with computers in 11th. average student n science.hehe...vese my mom wanted me to opt for medical but this ws my decision to take computers (bcos one of my frnd told me that computers require less hardwork. n me who alwaz run frm hardwork ws not ready to take bio in any case)

wel here cums d tym wen i tasted d failure for d first tym. ya bit depressed, sad but for the first tym in my lyf " Not silent" this ws d tym which i luvd d most n hate's d most too. bcos its d tym whr i felt vry bad n vry gud at d same tym. i realy learned mny thngs during this tym..i actualy realised d importance of parents (although i knew it but stil) seen d world frm d new perspective. its alwaz easy to support gud thngs but the prsn who supprot u in ur bad tym is the one who realy cares for u
wel as ppl say tough ppl alwaz last so i too survied..i completed my 11th wid lollz of ups n downs.
ya chalo talking bout bad thngs reminds me one vry sweet thng too.i had a big tym fascination for my school captain(plz its not a crush,n nthg else juss a little bit admiration u can say. lemme tel u, my captains grlfrnd ws vry cute...hehe) i ws big tym fan of his sweet voice..for me he ws alwaz Mr.captain n for him i ws alwaz Miss.similey...hehe..v nvr used take each othrs name...hehehe..

wel lets go to 12th or d last class whr again parents keep telling mny thngs "work hard beta you hv to take admission in gud collg" i kno i kno but again m not the prsn who gonna take al this vry seriously.wel my fav subject ws physics which i used to study al the tym...if i realy tel u den this class ws about lozz of senti moments, teachers, frnds wt not.... last practicals, last viva's, last xams, last pre borads evrythng ws for the last tym....realy
here i only enjoyed my last days in school wid ful of masti...without thinking nethng else.. even not for the gud result or boards

wel this ws the biggest learning period for me..here i learned mny thngs of my lyf..hw to take failure's gracefuly,importance of some ppl,imp of talking mor n mor.....etc etc :):):)

"Unforgettable School Days" ------>III

My fourth step(BOARD CLASS)
last tym wid my special class "10th C".
i stil remember i used to sit on the first bench wid my vry gud frnd Miss.P.. i muss say sitting so close to teacher..n stil doing al d masti.passing msgs in chits, writing on buks, making funny faces...i mean wt not..tht ws realy fun
Generally this is d tym wen al parents say "beta kuch pad lo,10th class hai u hv to take this n that stream"...hehe..wel but normaly i used to njoy my sleep instead of studying but ya i too ws worried bout my bad mathematics.

hmm..in this class only i wrote my first vry harsh essay..i stil remember my teacher called me up n said wts al dis dear????these thoughts cant b urs??hw can u think in this way ??? i juss smiled n said mam its not copied frm newhr...hehehe wel in this class i made my first record of studying till zero hrs but not for al pprs juss for science n that too for xam day only..hehe
although i nvr believed in ne kind of competition( now u vil say m lieing but thts true)but stil Mr.R challenged me that he vil score mor mrks den me in hindi(his weekest subject)...but lemme tel u he realy scored one mark mor den me..hehe..trust me wen i cum to kno about this i ws realy vry happy.

ya dis reminds me bout my bad performance...i juss scored 56 mrks in S.ST..(i think nvr in my lyf i scored less den 75 mrks in s.st which i scored in 7th,even not in pre boards)but in boards heheh...this thng destroyed my overall % completely..but who cares atleast not me...but ya my papa..hehhe
hw can i forget i got a nice lecture on d result day...
wtever but it doesnt effected me much as usual..hehe..

"Unforgettable School Days" ----->II(cont...)

wel my 8th class ws vry vry special for me aftr al i came 3rd in this class n bcos of dat papa ws realy vry happy. wel its special bcos of othr reason's too.i scored 33 mrks out of 35 in hindi (n dat too frm d Nivedita mam..i cant 4get d whole incident. this news ws d gift frm her side on my b'day. realy if i luv hindi so much den its juss bcos of her...). n here only i met wid my irritating frnd Mr.R.(if i don mention bout him den this journey would b incomplete. wel one line bout him" u can hate him,u can love him but u cant ignore him" simply..). class monitor ship ws also offered to me , first tym in my lyf i realised dat m vry gud at debates.(realy it ws vry intrstng thng for a silent prsn like me)..hehehe

WEL in 9th class i ws vry vry high on my temper.i ws learning bout the world slowly slowly. in dis class i became actress too( bcos simply i participated in grp drama..hehe) yeaa during this tym i too strtd talking bout affrairs, rlnshps, g/f, b/f.. heheh..earlier i used to b like big dumboo in dis area.. i strtd talking mor n mor but stil my teachers were on the same lines..."shez vry gud grl, gud in studies n vry silent prsn"..heheh but this tym i don agree wid my teachers...n ya my papa..he too "she never takes her studies srsly...i kno her shez juss like that only kitna bhi bola jaye par ye kabhi bhi chnge nhi ho sakti"..hehhe

Again this ws the tym when i ws vry happy n i think nthng ws there which i wanna chnge :):)

"Unforgettable School Days" --->II

My third step(6th to 9th class)
wel this is d tym when i strtd talking little bit..but stil smwhr i ws vry quiet but my temper ws vry high hehe..here i found my 2nd best frnd too(or u can say first best frnd frm school whoz stil my vry gud frnd)..bcos d link ws broken frm d 1st one so..v formed d grp of 5 grls..Miss.N,miss P,miss R,miss K...but tel u d truth whole class ws like frnds nly..v never specially felt dat v vr in grp sorts....wel my grp leader(in d English subject v used to hv such grp leaders) Miss.A ws also used to b my another vry gud frnd( vry beautiful grl of my class)

wel dis ws d tym frm whr d real struggle strts 6th standard n my first poor performance in mathematics.. god i stil remember that ws not vry bad but definitely in comparison to othr subjects it ws bad..n in result of it i got 5th rank in my class..hehheh

wel i promised to papa that i'll improve in 7th class..this tym i too become the grp leader for the english subject,n ya in this class i took social studies in english for d first n d last tym.for d last tym bcos i ws realy not used to studying social studies in english..but stil i scored 75 mrks so i ws vry happy really. wel this tym i improved my rank too..i ws 4rth in my class..ya not so kewl but for me it ws vry gud...:):)
..............................................continued.........................................

"Unforgettable School Days" ---->I

My first step(Nursery class)

juss a 4yr old grl who entered in this horrifying world of studies..i studied nursery twice(simply bcos i chnged my school in mid of first nursery.hehe.nthg else) . Today i nly remember that v used to sing n dance on a song "A,B,C.....".but my fav nursery rhyme ws "twinkle twinkle little star" n aftr dat "ringa ringa roses".. wel even today i realy owe my gud hand writing to that school only bcos they used to gv loll of cursive writing buks in homework. n ya there i learned classical dance too..i stil wonder juss a 4 yr old n classical dance...heheh.arey juss a few first steps n abhi bhi vahi aata hai...

My Second step (primary classes)

as i did twice my nursery so no LKJ..UKG for me ...i directly got d admission in first class.n that too without much hard work.i stil remember that test.my teacher simply aksed me to ryt dwn my name....but me..wt u xpect?? definitely mujhe nhi aata tha.Then she said ok ryt BUS..n me "no mam".den she juss asked me to ryt 1,2,3..heheh oh god!finaly i manged to ryt smthng.wtever but i got d admission hehhe..

wel during that tym of 1st to 5th class i used to b vry quiet prsn..i think most of d tym my class teacher(my fav teacher til now Santosh mam) used to say "shez vry disciplined grl,gud in studies,vry vry quiet..."...heheh n generally my father used to say only one thng.."oho she never studies at home".i kno this is not her best..n result of such statements, in al my report cards i used to get "can do better" hehhe...dis ws d only tym in my lyf when i scored in 80's n 90's...aftr that..hehhe...4get it...

wel everything ws gud bout dis tym...i got evrythng here...no tension,lollz of fun,gud marks even in mathematics too,lolz of frnds,teachers love...evrythng :):)

r U oK ????

R u ok???? ya ya me fine!!!!what bout U????

wow so gud...so easy to say...but tel me hw mny times u realy meant that u r fine?????hmm..even not 10 times out of hundred.ok tel me hw mny times u hv said i am not fine.i think this time u vil say even not 5 times out of hundred.so mathematics show 85 times v lie bout urself.don worry i am too wid u..i am not an xception

wow!!!! but y?? y??y??

i knw definetly v cant..trust me v cant..bcos v r coward..realy.v vil not say this even if v r burning wid emotions,suffering frm lozz of pain,missing the most important thng of lyf.shit man realy shit.wen it cums to one glass of juice v immediately say hey chnge dis its bitter in taste,even bout success n failure v can say ya man i did it finaly..only i knw hw i managed.

but but...wen it cums to emotions,feelings,relationships.ya i knw bcos of fear,v don say a single word.but but...........

y cant v win it??

y v alwaz pretend that nthng effects us

y v alwaz pretend that v vry strong..even wen its not true

y v alwaz smile???

y v cant say that hey it hurts

y v cant say i never expected this from u

y v juss hold r tears in eyes???

y v leave things on r destiny??

y v strt luving wtever cums to us???

y ppl say tough ppl alwaz last not tough time

y v live in illusions????

y all dis nonsense???

y v luv this feeling that nobody knws bout r pain...v r vry cool...thngs cums n go but v remain solid like rock....

y v luv this superiority that v came out the hell widout nebody's help

y don v accept???

y don v simply say::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i am hurt

i am in pain

i am crying

i am not able to handle it

simply

"I AM NOT FINE"

i knw al dis but i never say that i am not fine

Yipee....Today is My day :):):):)

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY TO ALL


Ring-a-ring-a-roses,
A pocket full of posies;

ashes! ashes!
we all fall down.

Ring a ring a Rosie,

A bottle full of posie,

All the girls in our town

Ring for little Josie.

A ring, a ring o' roses,

A pocket full o’posies-

Atch chew! atch chew!

Ring-a-ring-a-roses,